Worst Housewives Of All Time

So, I was at this dinner party last weekend, right? You know the kind, where everyone's trying to outdo each other with their 'oh, you won't believe what happened' stories. Well, one lady, let's call her Martha, starts telling us about her neighbor. Now, this neighbor, she's got a reputation, Martha says. She's the kind of woman who'd make Medusa say, "Girl, you're giving me a bad name."

That got me thinking, you know? About those women who make us say, "Well, at least I'm not that bad." The ones who take 'housewife' to a whole new level, and not in a good way. I'm talking about the Worst Housewives of All Time. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the reality TV kind. I'm talking about the ones who've made history, or rather, made us shake our heads in disbelief.

Meet the Queen of 'I Don't Care'

Let's start with good ol' Queen Marie Antoinette. Now, I'm not saying she was a terrible housewife because she lost her head, but come on, girl! When they told you the peasants had no bread, you said, "Let them eat cake"? Really? You couldn't have just said, "Oh, I'm sure we can find some bread. Let's ask the baker, shall we?" No, you had to go and make it about cake. And we all know how that turned out.

But hey, at least she had an excuse. She was a queen, after all. She had a lot on her plate. Speaking of plates, let's talk about our next 'housewife'.

The One Who Burned the Roast

You know who I'm talking about. The woman who made 'burning the roast' a metaphor for failure. I'm talking about Mrs. O'Leary's cow. Now, I'm not saying her cow started the Great Chicago Fire on purpose, but come on, it's the 19th century, and your cow's kicking over a lantern? In a barn full of hay? That's some next-level carelessness right there.

But hey, at least her cow was trying to keep warm. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that excuse.

The One Who Froze to Death

Meet Mrs. Agnes Smith, the woman who froze to death in her own home. Now, I know what you're thinking. "How does that make her a bad housewife?" Well, let me tell you, it was -20 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and she was so busy arguing with her husband about who should pay the heating bill that she forgot to turn the heat on. Yes, you read that right. She froze to death because she was too stubborn to turn on the heat.

But hey, at least she had a roof over her head. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that.

The One Who Lost Her House

Meet the woman who lost her house to a squirrel. Yes, you read that right. A squirrel. Now, I'm not saying she should have gone all 'Home Alone' on the little critter, but come on, a squirrel? It's not like it was a bear or something. She could have at least tried to shoo it away. But no, she just let it chew through her electrical wiring until her house burned down. And then she sued the city because they didn't warn her about the squirrel problem. I mean, really?

But hey, at least she had a sense of humor about it. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that.

The One Who Wasn't House-Proud

Meet the woman who turned her house into a dump. Literally. She collected so much junk that her house became a health hazard. Now, I'm not saying we all have to be neat freaks, but come on, there's a line between 'collecting' and 'hoarding'. And she crossed that line so hard, she ended up on a reality TV show about hoarders. I mean, if that's not a sign that you're one of the worst housewives of all time, I don't know what is.

But hey, at least she had a unique sense of interior design. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that.

The One Who Wasn't Great with Kids

Meet the woman who forgot her kid in a hot car. Yes, you read that right. She forgot her kid in a hot car. Now, I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure that's a big no-no. I mean, it's not like she was at a fancy dinner party, trying to outdo everyone with her 'oh, you won't believe what happened' stories. She was at work. And she forgot her kid. In a hot car. For hours.

But hey, at least she had a good excuse. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that.

Top 20 Most Hated Housewives of All Time - YouTube

The One Who Wasn't Great with Pets Either

Meet the woman who left her dog in a hot car. Yes, you read that right. She did it to her dog. Now, I'm not a dog, but I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of 'hot' you want to be in. I mean, it's not like she was trying to make a point about animal rights or something. She just left her dog in a hot car. Because she could.

But hey, at least she had a good heart. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that.

The One Who Wasn't Great with Anything

Meet the woman who set her own house on fire. Twice. Yes, you read that right. She set her own house on fire. Twice. Now, I'm not saying she was trying to get on the 'Worst Housewives of All Time' list or something, but come on, twice? You'd think she'd learn her lesson the first time. But no, she had to go and do it again. And then she had the nerve to sue her insurance company because they wouldn't pay for the damages. I mean, really?

But hey, at least she was persistent. Our next 'housewife' wasn't even that.

The One Who Wasn't Even a Housewife

Meet the woman who was never a housewife. Yes, you read that right. She was never a housewife. She was a queen. Queen Elizabeth I, to be precise. Now, I'm not saying she was a bad housewife because she never had a house to keep. But come on, she had a whole country to run, and she couldn't even find a suitable husband? I mean, really? She had all the power in the world, and she couldn't even manage to get married? That's some next-level housewife failure right there.

But hey, at least she had a great sense of fashion. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that.

The One Who Wasn't Great with Money Either

Meet the woman who spent $325,000 on a single pair of shoes. Yes, you read that right. A single pair of shoes. Now, I'm not saying she was a bad housewife because she spent too much money on shoes. But come on, $325,000? For a pair of shoes? I mean, really? She could have bought a whole house with that money. Or a car. Or a really nice vacation. But no, she spent it on a pair of shoes. That's some next-level housewife extravagance right there.

But hey, at least she had great feet. Our next 'housewife' didn't even have that.

The One Who Wasn't Great with Anything at All

Meet the woman who was so bad at being a housewife, she made the rest of us look good. Yes, you read that right. She was so bad at it, she made us look good. Now, I'm not saying she was a bad person or anything. I'm sure she had her good qualities. But as a housewife? She was the worst. She was the queen of 'I don't care'. She was the one who burned the roast, froze to death, lost her house, wasn't house-proud, wasn't great with kids, pets, or anything else. She was the one who wasn't even a housewife, and wasn't great with money either.

But hey, at least she was memorable. And that, my friends, is something.

So, there you have it. The worst housewives of all time. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should all strive to be the best housewives ever. But come on, let's at least try not to be the worst, okay? Let's not be the ones who make Medusa say, "Girl, you're giving me a bad name." Let's not be the ones who make the rest of us look good by comparison.

Because, you know what? We can do better than that. We can be the housewives who make the good neighbors. The ones who make the great dinner parties. The ones who make the rest of us say, "Wow, she's a great housewife." Let's be those housewives. Let's be the best housewives we can be. Because, you know what? We're worth it.