How Do Actors Control Their Boners

Actors and Their Unseen Battle: The Art of Controlling Boners

Ever wondered how actors manage to stay in character, even when nature's calling? We're not talking about the bathroom kind, but the 'little soldier' kind. You know, the unexpected, unwelcome, and often hilarious visitors that can pop up at the most inopportune moments. We're talking about boners, folks. Yes, we're going there, and we're keeping it real.

Why Should You Care?

Now, you might be thinking, 'Why on earth would I want to know about this?' Well, imagine you're on a first date, or giving a presentation at work, or even just trying to enjoy a quiet moment with your favorite book. Suddenly, Mr. Happy decides to make an appearance. It's awkward, it's embarrassing, and it's something we've all experienced at one time or another. So, if actors can learn to control their boners, maybe we can too. Let's dive in!

Meet the Master: Michael Fassbender

Let's start with a hero of our tale, Michael Fassbender. This guy's got a bit of a reputation, shall we say, for his... enthusiasm in certain roles. But he's also a master at keeping things under control. In an interview, he revealed his secret: 'It's all about the mind. You just have to think of something really unsexy.'

Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of Michael Fassbender, 'unsexy' isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But hey, if it works for him, it's worth a shot, right?

The Power of Distraction

Think about it. When you're trying to focus on something, like a good book or a movie, and your phone buzzes, suddenly, you're thinking about who's messaging you. The story you were engrossed in? Gone. The same principle applies here. When you're distracted, Mr. Happy tends to stand down.

Actors use this to their advantage. They might think about their grocery list, or their taxes (now that's a boner killer!), or even their grandma. Anything to take their mind off the scene at hand.

Breathing: The Original Boner Buster

Remember when you were a kid, and you'd hold your breath underwater to see how long you could last? Then, when you finally surfaced, you'd gasp for air? That's because holding your breath uses up all the oxygen in your body, including the stuff that makes Mr. Happy stand tall.

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Actors use this to their advantage too. A deep breath in, a deep breath out, and suddenly, Mr. Happy's not so happy anymore. It's like a party in your pants, and your breath just said, 'Last call!'

When All Else Fails: The Cold Shower

Sometimes, no matter what you do, Mr. Happy just won't listen. When that happens, actors have a secret weapon: the cold shower. It's not pleasant, but it's effective. Just like when you jump into a cold lake on a hot day, suddenly, all thoughts of... well, anything... go out the window.

Now, I'm not suggesting you start stripping down in public places (although, if that's your thing, who am I to judge?). But a quick trip to the restroom for a splash of cold water can work wonders.

Why We Should Care

So, why should you care about how actors control their boners? Because life's full of unexpected moments. Moments where you need to stay calm, stay focused, and stay in control. Whether you're giving a presentation, on a date, or just trying to enjoy a quiet moment, knowing how to control Mr. Happy can make all the difference.

And who knows? Maybe next time you're in a pickle, you'll think of Michael Fassbender and his taxes. Or, at the very least, you'll have a good laugh about it later. Because let's face it, folks, life's too short to take ourselves too seriously. Especially when it comes to our little friend down there.